Have you ever had a conversation where after it ended, you felt fulfilled? Or satisfied? That one conversation has opened up so many doors in a wider and deeper sense?
If not, perhaps people have overlooked conversational competence and missed the chance to fully hone this important skill. Nowadays, we are much more comfortable conversing with people through text or chat, but never in an interpersonal setup.
Remember, conversations are always two-way -talking and listening. Forget the usual advice you get on this matter such as eye contact, instead, do some small gestures showing that you are listening, think of some good topic you can talk about in advance, or repeat what you just heard.
In this article, I’ll help you on how you can have a better conversation the next time you talk with anyone, be it someone you disagree with or someone you like:
1. Never Multitask
It’s just about putting away your gadget, or anything that is in your hand and being present in the conversation. Free up your mind, don’t think about anything, like what you’ll have for dinner, what show you will watch after going home, or that strange gossip you have heard from your neighbor. Remember, give your whole self in the conversation, don’t be half in it and half out.
2. Avoid Pontification
If you just want to state your opinion without getting an opposite response, try to post your thoughts in some sort of journal or blog. Conversing with people will never be a good one without pushback or some growth while exchanging insights. People with their minds closed on certain topics are boring to talk to, and your conversation with them would get you out of nowhere. You’ll end up running around in circles where you’ll just get tired and nothing more. Being open to learning in every conversation you have will bring you something wonderful unexpectedly. Being open to anyone’s opinion doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll change yours. Having a different POV and being able to understand each other is a whole new level of maturity.
3. Try Using Open-Ended Questions
Think of questions that will make the person you’re conversing with tell more, describe more, and not just questions that can be answered with yes, no, or maybe. You will surely get a more interesting response if you do this.
4. Go With The Flow
But not with the conversation, rather this is a way of filtering out your mind. Let go of any thoughts that will come into your mind. You might have encountered people asking questions to someone who’s talking that has already been answered or those that don’t concern about the topic that is being talked about, this would only mean that the other party wasn’t listening because of holding onto that good question and paying attention slipped out of the priority. We experience this, from time to time, where we will think of a good story or idea that’s completely not related to the conversation, then we will keep that in our minds, forgetting to listen, ruining the conversation itself, so let those go.
5. Never Pretend That You Know Things
Saying you don’t know a topic isn’t embarrassing. Keep in mind that we don’t really know all things, and there are people out there that are experts on those things that we are not. This is where learning comes in. Isn’t it more shameful if you say you know a certain thing and the person you’re talking with finds out that you do not? Especially if you’re around a circle of friends or a group of people, pretending to know it all will only make you a laughing stock at the end, and you’ll never contribute to the conversation.
6. Don’t Equate Your Experience With Others
Not every conversation is about you. People are different from each other, and so are their experiences. It may look the same at first glance, but every detail, every bit of it, there’s no exact similar experience for everyone. Experiences have individuality, so do we. You don’t have to take every conversation as an opportunity to brag about yourself or tell your own story.
7. Don’t Repeat Yourself
This makes a conversation tiresome, believe it or not. This usually happens in work or family conversation, specifically with kids since you mostly need to make a point so you just keep on repeating it to be remembered.
8. You Can Forget The Details
Not everyone is all about names, dates, etc because what they care about are you and your story. What do you share in common with the person you’re talking to, what you like, so leave those tiny details out.
9. Listen
Again, the conversation is a two-way process. You can never call a conversation if you’re just the only one talking. Some people enjoy talking so that they take charge, take control, avoid hearing anything from others, to be the center of attraction, grabbing the opportunity to boost oneself, but another reason is that we’d rather talk than listen because we can easily be distracted. But if you can’t focus on listening, you will turn out to be a bad communicator. Listen to understand.
10. Be Brief
A good and beautiful conversation may be short enough to keep the interest flowing, but long enough to talk about the subject. Going around circles may lengthen out your conversation, but it won’t be as stuffed as a short one. Extending your talk with someone may result in repeating subjects and details that would eventually result in an uninteresting conversation. Instead, be concise and straight to the point. A conversation isn’t an essay in your school that requires a number of words for you to create.
It will never hurt if you assume that everyone has something amazing in them, that they can share with you, that you can learn with. Prepare yourself to hear amazing things, as well as share the wonderful ones you know.
If you focus on any on the list above, you’ll surely start having better conversations.
